Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
