3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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