Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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