We're facebook friends in real life
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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