Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I could fuck to npr.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
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