I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
You were trust falling into bushes
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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