Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
well you can't waste a boner
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
