I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
worst night to have a conscience
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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