I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
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