I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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