my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize