So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
