hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
