I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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