this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Randomize
