I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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