she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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