had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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