I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
he was CRYING into my vagina
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
