I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I queefed so loud it echoed.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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