he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
