oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
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