i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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