OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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