And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Randomize
