now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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