we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
