do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
