that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Randomize
