i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Randomize
