Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Randomize
