did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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