is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize