Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
