There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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