So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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