We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize