turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Randomize
