Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I wish there were birth control emojis
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Randomize
