Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
