Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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