You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
40s are totally the cure
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
