Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
