Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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