If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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