Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Randomize
