I have demons in me.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
