I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
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