just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
