apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize