Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Randomize