I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Randomize
