Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Randomize
