Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
