I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
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