Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
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