Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Randomize
