don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
BRING THE BAGELS
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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