My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
