i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
