I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
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