i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
