i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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