As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
