So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
