When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
