did you get engaged???
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
