Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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