I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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