The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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