He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
