Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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